What About The Tooth Fairy?

Tracy Lamperti

Q. I always tell the kids the truth 100% of the time, even when it comes to Santa, the Tooth Fairy and others. This gets me in trouble with family and friends who tell me to lie to them about it. When these conversations come up, I try to remove myself but if the kids ask me, I do not lie. What is your opinion on this?


A. This is a great question and lots of parents struggle with what and when to tell children about these characters. Sometimes this presents as a conflict between a mother and a father.


To be honest, the current state of chaos in the nation may be contributing to my answer today, vs. when my children were little. We may need the Tooth Fairy and Santa more than ever right now. Children deserve opportunities and experiences where they can smile and laugh with their whole self and to just be innocent children and escape the chaos and conflict. They deserve happy things to look forward to and to make special memories and traditions to pass down to their children.


It’s great that you are taking this seriously, being thoughtful about it and considering what is morally right, consistent with your parenting process and right for your family.


Most of us probably know 10 year olds who “still believe.” Some parents have 6 year olds who don’t believe, but feel it would disappoint their parents if they were to let on that they didn’t believe. Both scenarios are so sweet. Some children feel powerful when they tell other children the truth and send that child to a parent crying.



Ultimately, it’s the parent’s decision how they want to handle this. Here are some suggestions;

Emphasize the concept or theme that you think is important.

With Santa, if you have a belief about the holiday, you can surely put MOST of your emphasis on your faith and the practices and beliefs of your faith. You can talk about the legend of Saint Nicholas, his love and generosity and how he showed it. The legend doesn’t read that children wake up in the morning to an overflow of gifts for children to rip open. It’s about sisters who were poor and a generous man who put coins in their shoes while they slept. They woke up to this gift and were filled with gratefulness.

Playing Make-Believe and Lying Are Not The Same

Sure, most children are inevitably going to ask, “but is Santa real?” That’s when you can talk about it being a magical time of the year and that we can pretend about things, and when we pretend about beautiful, fun, loving things like this, it can bring a lot of joy and excitement. The joy and excitement is real and there is no harm in imagining magical things happening during special occasions. Think of it like going to Disney. All ages go there and know that Tinkerbell is a pretty lady who zips down on a wire, but for just a moment, we can believe that everything we are seeing is real. You may well have a problem with the whole Santa concept if your holidays are centered around material gifts. Children with whom the spirit of Christmas is lived out, not the spirit of Santa and the gifts he brings, will more successfully be able to move in and out of pretend more smoothly. But when we just flat out tell children, “Santa is not real” of course they want to kill the joy of all of their friends also. Instead of making it about what is not, make it about what it is.

Consider The Age

It’s just not necessary to make a declaration in the younger ages, but it’s also not necessary to build it up to such an extent that it’s all about Santa and the gifts. Those of us who had a young child who rushed off to bed and hid under the covers because the white bearded man might run into them in the hallway know that we have to be careful and know how our children think. There’s no need to go overboard with it. Young children are really good at imagining.

Talk It Over As Parents

I think Santa is the big one. You may feel differently about the Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy. The important thing is for the parents to discuss these things and decide together how they will handle it. Listen to each other and accept that sometimes, someone has to bend.

Anecdotal From My Personal Experience

My husband and I handled Santa about as described above. Our son assumed the truth probably by the time he was 5 or 6. He was always more grown up than anyone expected he would be at any age. It seemed like we had an unspoken understanding with each other and I don’t remember ever having to directly address it. There didn’t seem to be a need to.


Our daughter was a bit more inquisitive, leading to a few conversations about it. As she got a bit older, she declared that she knew Santa wasn’t real. HOWEVER, every Christmas Eve she shifted into magical thinking mode and did the cookies, milk, note, get to bed, etc. as if it was all very real. This confused us for the first year or two but really, there was no need to address it. We just let it be. We love it that she can connect to that make-believe part of herself and think she probably takes after her Gramma in that regard, who is all about traditions and the spirit of the moment when it comes to holiday and other celebrations.


From my “Mommy Journal” (6 years old)

And, here is our tooth fairy story, which I absolutely love! Also from my “Mommy Journal!” (6 years old)

The Dopifying of Men and Boys These Days

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Do you get it that every time we seem to turn on the tv, news or in the movies these days the boys and men are getting terrible representation? Whether they are kowtowing to a bossy woman, making obscene gestures or noises, getting drunk or on drugs, committing some stupid crime, espousing the effeminate or acting like a pompus a__, or the countless other ways that they are being portrayed. What was wrong with Davy Crockett, or Huck Finn, Andy Griffith, Superman? Why have Sponge Bob and Homer Simpson and the many other “men” of today been selling by being so stupid? I am not up on any of today’s shows, but I get the point from the stories I hear, that it is not good. Even when an olympic star comes into the spotlight, all too often the story is tainted by some remark or behavior he made, not realizing everyone was watching. Where are the boys supposed to get their education? And what about the girls? Where are they supposed to learn who would make a good husband and father?  What brought this on was my prepping for morning meeting tomorrow at the Lamperti Homeschool. I was looking for something good in The Children’s Book of Virtues , Edited by William J. Bennett, Illustrated by Michael Hague. I just happened to open to page 38, Boy Wanted , by Frank Crane. I won’t put the whole story here, but here is a sample.

Before You Seek Therapy For Your Child

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Photo by Michelle Kaye

Talking Beans

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
What are those? Are those beans? What are they for? Can I touch them? One can learn a lot about a child by watching them play. Play gives us a glimpse into the thought process, emotions, relationships and the way they organise and put things together. With beans, even a teenager or adult can “sort things out” with beans, sand and other materials. Beans make a good medium for tea parties, hide and seek, play ground play, imaginative water, etc. In fact, beans can bring comfort to all ages. Children who don’t feel like they have a voice or have trouble sharing their thoughts and feelings often find themselves running their hands through the field of beans. The same goes for teenagers. Little ones, of course want to play with the beans, which provides a great opportunity to evaluate self-control, adherance to limits and their depth of imagination or level of organization. Beans are awesome! The video shown here represents a variety of bean benefits! An older adolescent, actually, a young adult, worked out many complicated issues in her sessions week after week while sorting beans. This person successfully sorted out ALL of the kidney beans, sorting on many levels! It is so curious to children to come to their therapy session and notice that something has happened involving the beans. It gives children and teens a real sense of commonality with others as well as insight. They come to learn that some people think like they do and some think differently, and it’s all ok. They learn that, while I may share something about the “beans,” I won’t “spill the beans.” They can trust that I will keep their confidence, just like I keep the confidence of the last “bean worker.” As you see in the video, a young person is re-mixing the kidney beans. This young person, being someone who really struggles with self-control and had been held back for weeks from mixing the beans that had been sorted out. We shared such a delightful moment when she was finally permitted to “mix!” Timing is so important, but relationship is more! So the cycle will continue when many young people come in this week and discover the new state of the beans!  Tracy Lamperti, Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant
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