When A Family Works Together

Tracy Lamperti

As a family and couples therapist, I am always interested in how families solve problems and navigate issues. This family activity came from one of my own experiences when I was a teenager. I attended Hurricane Island Outward Bound. The experience lasted 22 days and was filled with challenges and growth opportunities.



We must strive to make the most out of difficult situations. The physical aspects and dietary changes did pose a bit of a challenge for me, but the emotional challenges were huge. More on that another time maybe. One very real and unfortunate experience had to do with the group of the 12 of us, all about the same age, not being very cohesive. Some wanted to work, some did not. Some wanted to get the full experience, some were just going through the motions, doing as little as possible, because they were sent by a parent, without wanting to go.

One day, the instructors let us drift closer and closer to an island. We went on land every day for a brief time, but this was different because it was an island, all treed in, no sign of human life.

22 Foot Whaling Boat! Not a lot of room for not getting along.



The instructors said, “You have 5 minutes to decide as a group 5 items from on the boat that you would like to take with you. We’ll be back in 24 hours.” I know we chose water and peanut butter but I can’t remember what else. Their goal for us was to work together without any adults. We got through it, but without much success. Nonetheless, we did get through it and some of us learned a thing or two, hence, look what I do now in family therapy.

The Island Drop-Off Experience

PDF Download

Here it is! A chance for you to work together as a family! The activity instructions are outlined in this PDF Download.



This is an ideal activity for any age child who has some understanding or experience of planning, organizing, thinking ahead, practical information such as nights being cooler than days, etc. Even very small children may have a great idea. If smaller children are not quite ready for this, you could have them listen and maybe draw a picture to attach to your list while others are working on the list. Improvise and adapt as needed.

When a family works together, amazing things can happen!

  • Beautiful little people turn into beautiful big people!
  • Shy children can become confident children!
  • Overbearing children learn perspective!
  • Children strengthen their voice and learn how and when to use it!
  • Couples dramatically lighten their load of “issues” in the home!
  • You can accomplish a lot!
  • Communities benefit from more people who can navigate difficult challenges, solve problems and brainstorm incredible plans!
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Next thing you know, your children are putting down their devices and scheming about how to build a fort under the table or in the back yard and deciding what they will need. Win! Win! Who doesn’t want that?!

The Dopifying of Men and Boys These Days

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Do you get it that every time we seem to turn on the tv, news or in the movies these days the boys and men are getting terrible representation? Whether they are kowtowing to a bossy woman, making obscene gestures or noises, getting drunk or on drugs, committing some stupid crime, espousing the effeminate or acting like a pompus a__, or the countless other ways that they are being portrayed. What was wrong with Davy Crockett, or Huck Finn, Andy Griffith, Superman? Why have Sponge Bob and Homer Simpson and the many other “men” of today been selling by being so stupid? I am not up on any of today’s shows, but I get the point from the stories I hear, that it is not good. Even when an olympic star comes into the spotlight, all too often the story is tainted by some remark or behavior he made, not realizing everyone was watching. Where are the boys supposed to get their education? And what about the girls? Where are they supposed to learn who would make a good husband and father?  What brought this on was my prepping for morning meeting tomorrow at the Lamperti Homeschool. I was looking for something good in The Children’s Book of Virtues , Edited by William J. Bennett, Illustrated by Michael Hague. I just happened to open to page 38, Boy Wanted , by Frank Crane. I won’t put the whole story here, but here is a sample.

Before You Seek Therapy For Your Child

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Photo by Michelle Kaye

Talking Beans

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
What are those? Are those beans? What are they for? Can I touch them? One can learn a lot about a child by watching them play. Play gives us a glimpse into the thought process, emotions, relationships and the way they organise and put things together. With beans, even a teenager or adult can “sort things out” with beans, sand and other materials. Beans make a good medium for tea parties, hide and seek, play ground play, imaginative water, etc. In fact, beans can bring comfort to all ages. Children who don’t feel like they have a voice or have trouble sharing their thoughts and feelings often find themselves running their hands through the field of beans. The same goes for teenagers. Little ones, of course want to play with the beans, which provides a great opportunity to evaluate self-control, adherance to limits and their depth of imagination or level of organization. Beans are awesome! The video shown here represents a variety of bean benefits! An older adolescent, actually, a young adult, worked out many complicated issues in her sessions week after week while sorting beans. This person successfully sorted out ALL of the kidney beans, sorting on many levels! It is so curious to children to come to their therapy session and notice that something has happened involving the beans. It gives children and teens a real sense of commonality with others as well as insight. They come to learn that some people think like they do and some think differently, and it’s all ok. They learn that, while I may share something about the “beans,” I won’t “spill the beans.” They can trust that I will keep their confidence, just like I keep the confidence of the last “bean worker.” As you see in the video, a young person is re-mixing the kidney beans. This young person, being someone who really struggles with self-control and had been held back for weeks from mixing the beans that had been sorted out. We shared such a delightful moment when she was finally permitted to “mix!” Timing is so important, but relationship is more! So the cycle will continue when many young people come in this week and discover the new state of the beans!  Tracy Lamperti, Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant
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