What’s In The Envelope?

Tracy Lamperti

Take your marriage to the next level!

Or maybe there are some problems that you just can’t seem to get through.

Something to try…

  • Take some time to feel calm and centered.
  • Think about your marriage and when you feel the best.
  • Think about what you love about your spouse.
  • Think about your needs in the marriage.
  • Write down a few sentences that express your heart’s desire in the marriage.
  • Seal those thoughts up in an envelope that you will hand to your spouse or leave for them to find.
  • On the outside of the envelope, write something like,

“I love you! This envelope contains some of my deepest desires for our marriage. Please do not open until you have an envelope for me with your deepest desires.”

Whether your marriage is strong or struggling, this can be a wonderful experience of closeness!


It is true that in marriage, we can benefit from letting a lot of things go. However, when the same theme continues to occur, ignoring it will not help. There are two ways to resolve problems; one way is to hash out the negative dynamic and the other way is to express our geniune needs and in good faith, consistently work to improve our ability to speak to those deep needs of your spouse.


As an example,


“I have a deep desire for you to recognize how hard I work and that I do it to be a good provider for you and our children. I feel a sense of my purpose when I know you understand my hard work.”


“I have a deep desire for you to remain calm in stressful situations. When you are calm and we work together to problem solve, it makes me feel like you are holding me safely in the palm of your hand.”


“I have a deep desire for you to ask my opinion about things. When you ask my opinion, I feel like we are doing this together and my opinion matters.”



So often, we assume we know what the other person wants and needs. So often we assume that what we need, they must need also. How will you know if you don’t talk about it?

Colossians 3:14: “And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.”

The Dopifying of Men and Boys These Days

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Do you get it that every time we seem to turn on the tv, news or in the movies these days the boys and men are getting terrible representation? Whether they are kowtowing to a bossy woman, making obscene gestures or noises, getting drunk or on drugs, committing some stupid crime, espousing the effeminate or acting like a pompus a__, or the countless other ways that they are being portrayed. What was wrong with Davy Crockett, or Huck Finn, Andy Griffith, Superman? Why have Sponge Bob and Homer Simpson and the many other “men” of today been selling by being so stupid? I am not up on any of today’s shows, but I get the point from the stories I hear, that it is not good. Even when an olympic star comes into the spotlight, all too often the story is tainted by some remark or behavior he made, not realizing everyone was watching. Where are the boys supposed to get their education? And what about the girls? Where are they supposed to learn who would make a good husband and father?  What brought this on was my prepping for morning meeting tomorrow at the Lamperti Homeschool. I was looking for something good in The Children’s Book of Virtues , Edited by William J. Bennett, Illustrated by Michael Hague. I just happened to open to page 38, Boy Wanted , by Frank Crane. I won’t put the whole story here, but here is a sample.

Before You Seek Therapy For Your Child

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Photo by Michelle Kaye

Talking Beans

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
What are those? Are those beans? What are they for? Can I touch them? One can learn a lot about a child by watching them play. Play gives us a glimpse into the thought process, emotions, relationships and the way they organise and put things together. With beans, even a teenager or adult can “sort things out” with beans, sand and other materials. Beans make a good medium for tea parties, hide and seek, play ground play, imaginative water, etc. In fact, beans can bring comfort to all ages. Children who don’t feel like they have a voice or have trouble sharing their thoughts and feelings often find themselves running their hands through the field of beans. The same goes for teenagers. Little ones, of course want to play with the beans, which provides a great opportunity to evaluate self-control, adherance to limits and their depth of imagination or level of organization. Beans are awesome! The video shown here represents a variety of bean benefits! An older adolescent, actually, a young adult, worked out many complicated issues in her sessions week after week while sorting beans. This person successfully sorted out ALL of the kidney beans, sorting on many levels! It is so curious to children to come to their therapy session and notice that something has happened involving the beans. It gives children and teens a real sense of commonality with others as well as insight. They come to learn that some people think like they do and some think differently, and it’s all ok. They learn that, while I may share something about the “beans,” I won’t “spill the beans.” They can trust that I will keep their confidence, just like I keep the confidence of the last “bean worker.” As you see in the video, a young person is re-mixing the kidney beans. This young person, being someone who really struggles with self-control and had been held back for weeks from mixing the beans that had been sorted out. We shared such a delightful moment when she was finally permitted to “mix!” Timing is so important, but relationship is more! So the cycle will continue when many young people come in this week and discover the new state of the beans!  Tracy Lamperti, Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant
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