Trusting To Express Freely

Tracy Lamperti
Taking Things To The Next Level

Welcome to Phase IV of Marital Intimacy!


If you have followed along from the beginning, you know we have covered the following topics;

  1. Marital Connection – which covered the essential process of connecting emotionally in order to build trust and feel safe to share yourselves with each other.
  2. When Marital Intimacy Misses – which addressed disappointments, disruptions and differences that interfere with a satisfying sexual union.
  3. Exploring Sensations – which provided a method of reintroducing yourselves to each other sexually, finding your voice and learning to listen to each other and establishing greater trust and transparency in the sexual experience and your relationship overall.


I encourage you to revisit each of these processes often. You can always benefit from looping back and learning more. This will continue to create depth, meaning and significant in your relationship and insulate you from things like petty conflicts and chronic bickering to more serious damage caused by things like disengagement from each other, emotional and physical affairs and habits like pornography.


In this process, you may have uncovered difficulties like the impact of sexual abuse, negative beliefs established earlier in life about sex and/or your body, barriers to trust and more. If this is the case, I hope that you have tried to be kind and loving to one another and paused the process for problem solving or to seek professional counseling.


If you have developed greater trust, found your voice, honed your listening skills, it’s time for even more fun!


This brings us to Phase IV – Trusting To Express Freely



Sound fun? Well, I hope you have found that in each phase, you can have fun. Here in the “let loose” phase, there are examples of conservatively letting loose and not so conservative. Keep in mind, I don’t write for shock factor and while I write about this topic for adults, I am always mindful that any age can set their eyes on content found on the World Wide Web. You should find nothing that will far exceed your comfort level.

Very Important

I’m sure most of you know about the “Me Too” movement. This movement, which started in 2006, brings awareness to sexual abuse and sexual harassment and breaks silence, which is typical of many who have experienced such harm. Many, many adults have experienced …………


Click PDF for more information and all 10 activity suggestions for this phase.

View PDF

The Dopifying of Men and Boys These Days

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Do you get it that every time we seem to turn on the tv, news or in the movies these days the boys and men are getting terrible representation? Whether they are kowtowing to a bossy woman, making obscene gestures or noises, getting drunk or on drugs, committing some stupid crime, espousing the effeminate or acting like a pompus a__, or the countless other ways that they are being portrayed. What was wrong with Davy Crockett, or Huck Finn, Andy Griffith, Superman? Why have Sponge Bob and Homer Simpson and the many other “men” of today been selling by being so stupid? I am not up on any of today’s shows, but I get the point from the stories I hear, that it is not good. Even when an olympic star comes into the spotlight, all too often the story is tainted by some remark or behavior he made, not realizing everyone was watching. Where are the boys supposed to get their education? And what about the girls? Where are they supposed to learn who would make a good husband and father?  What brought this on was my prepping for morning meeting tomorrow at the Lamperti Homeschool. I was looking for something good in The Children’s Book of Virtues , Edited by William J. Bennett, Illustrated by Michael Hague. I just happened to open to page 38, Boy Wanted , by Frank Crane. I won’t put the whole story here, but here is a sample.

Before You Seek Therapy For Your Child

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Photo by Michelle Kaye

Talking Beans

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
What are those? Are those beans? What are they for? Can I touch them? One can learn a lot about a child by watching them play. Play gives us a glimpse into the thought process, emotions, relationships and the way they organise and put things together. With beans, even a teenager or adult can “sort things out” with beans, sand and other materials. Beans make a good medium for tea parties, hide and seek, play ground play, imaginative water, etc. In fact, beans can bring comfort to all ages. Children who don’t feel like they have a voice or have trouble sharing their thoughts and feelings often find themselves running their hands through the field of beans. The same goes for teenagers. Little ones, of course want to play with the beans, which provides a great opportunity to evaluate self-control, adherance to limits and their depth of imagination or level of organization. Beans are awesome! The video shown here represents a variety of bean benefits! An older adolescent, actually, a young adult, worked out many complicated issues in her sessions week after week while sorting beans. This person successfully sorted out ALL of the kidney beans, sorting on many levels! It is so curious to children to come to their therapy session and notice that something has happened involving the beans. It gives children and teens a real sense of commonality with others as well as insight. They come to learn that some people think like they do and some think differently, and it’s all ok. They learn that, while I may share something about the “beans,” I won’t “spill the beans.” They can trust that I will keep their confidence, just like I keep the confidence of the last “bean worker.” As you see in the video, a young person is re-mixing the kidney beans. This young person, being someone who really struggles with self-control and had been held back for weeks from mixing the beans that had been sorted out. We shared such a delightful moment when she was finally permitted to “mix!” Timing is so important, but relationship is more! So the cycle will continue when many young people come in this week and discover the new state of the beans!  Tracy Lamperti, Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant
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