I Can’t Shake These Feelings

Tracy Lamperti

Enjoy the Gifts of Nature!

Every so often I notice a theme emerging in my psychotherapy practice. As of recently, the emergent theme has been with women and questions have come up about how essential oils may be of help, since I am always diffusing Young Living Essential Oils * in my office.



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“I am blessed with a great family and great friends, my health is good, my life is generally stable and there are many good things in my life…but I can’t get out from under this depression and (or) anxiety. Some bad things have happened in my past and I have worked on some of those things, but now, I “should” be happy, but I don’t feel happy. In fact, I can’t seem to feel joy.”


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Same Old Patterns


Sometimes when we can’t let go of the past or feel like it won’t let go of us it can be related to what is going on the the present. Without being aware, there could be current issues with a parent or a spouse or children, that are triggering old or never let go of thought patterns. It is not necessarily an indication of a negative current relationship with mom or husband, etc., but more an issue of discovery about what is triggering you and learning new ways of tackling it.


We tend to connect with people, who may later become our spouse, that replicate the same emotional patterns as significant early relationships. We also sometimes, inadvertently replicate parent-child dynamics with our own children, even when we made a commitment to not do so. In this case, the right therapist is often needed to help navigate new patterns, because, in the case of old dynamics being triggered with a spouse, it is quite possible that they also may be repeating patterns from their earlier life.


Now is Different from Then


When there is no need for symptoms, symptoms will cease to exist, UNLESS, we are living in “automatic mode” rather than in awareness. For example, when you were a child and felt like you had no voice, you may have truly HAD NO VOICE. Children in many instance; 1. don’t have the vocabulary and/or insight to express their experience, and 2. may not have been expected to voice their feelings or experiences. This may be the case with a “love relationship” in later teen years or early 20s. In a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship, you may have felt like you had no voice, and you actually may have had no voice, because your boyfriend couldn’t tolerate you having a voice. This leads to now, you feel like you have no voice. But when I stop and check it out, or feel it out with your husband, you see that not only you do have a voice, but he wants to hear your voice.


New Associations


When things from the past are being triggered, you don’t have to “white knuckle it” and be consumed by the bad feelings. Let’s say you made a poor decision, or many poor decisions, or a huge poor decision. If you in fact know that you have worked on this issue, and even prayed about it, and even believed that the Lord has done a work in you with it, you can remind yourself that you already reconciled that one. Reconciling it doesn’t mean you forgot about it or it was erased from your memory. Thanks be to God if He did remove it from you completely. I believe He can do that! But that’s not the story for most of us. The memory or feeling will resurface and when it does we need to remind ourselves of the victory that we already had over it and give thanks for that! Aromatherapy can have an amazing impact on us, both positive and negative. A scent can immediately bring back a feeling from the past and all of the emotions that went with that feeling. However, it can also help build a new experience. As you are siting in a quiet place, contemplating and giving thanks for what you have already accomplished in this area, you can bring a lovely new scent to the experience and build a new experience, whereby the next time you feel defeated, you can bring out the scent, place a drop on your palms, rub your hands together, cup your hands in front of your face and inhale.


You Are Adored*


Not many people know what I went through in my past. Even though I am a psychotherapist and look like I have it all together, the same thing happens to me and I have to do these things also. We could have a big discussion about Satan here and talk about how Satan wants to bring us down with our past. I don’t think of it that way. I think of it more like, God wants us to love and adore Him and He wants us to receive all of the gifts that He has for us. Even if you don’t feel that you are adored by someone, know that God Adores you. I do not believe He wants us to give our attention to a battle with Satan.


A New Therapy Experience


Maybe you have had a positive relationship and made progress with a therapist in the past. Sometimes things have to come together in the right way for this to occur – timing, readiness, circumstances, current relationships, etc. Sometimes we need to do a piece of therapy and then just live. When we go back at a later time we can do another piece of the work. Maybe it’s time to interview a couple of therapists or get some referrals from someone you trust.


Taking Care of Me


Are you at a point in your life that you can really take care of yourself – set aside time to plan your menu, carve out a quiet time each day, make time to walk or any other exercise that you like, etc. Is your “me time” consumed by surfing the web or checking all of your social media feeds? Can you match the time you spend on these activities with time devoted to “calm” and “peace.” Can you match digital time, which is “static” in the brain with peaceful activities? I find it interesting that when I ask a person to spend 7 minutes, twice per day doing an uninterupted focus, such as being in a quite room, without distractions and maybe a recording of a stream or birds, 9x out of 10 they come back and say they didn’t do it. SEVEN MINUTES!


As for the essential oils*, you could experiment with a lovely scent in your “me time.” When you sense a panic attack coming on or are feeling down, I would take the opportunity to place a drop of my favorite oil (or change it up between a couple of nice scents) in my palm and breath deeply. This way, you will “support your feelings of well-being,” and know that you can take steps to care for yourself and have positive results. I love the oils for associating new emotions to old experiences.

Blessings!


~Tracy


*Disclaimer #1 – In addition to being an LMHC, I personally use essential oils and I am an Independent Distributor of Young Living Essential Oils. This post is not intended to diagnose, cure, treat or prevent disease or illness and it is not intended to solicit Young Living Essential Oil sales.


*Disclaimer #2 – In addition to being an LMHC, I am a Christian. “If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. ~Romans 10:9. This post is not intended to make any claim that any person should believe as I believe.

The Dopifying of Men and Boys These Days

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Do you get it that every time we seem to turn on the tv, news or in the movies these days the boys and men are getting terrible representation? Whether they are kowtowing to a bossy woman, making obscene gestures or noises, getting drunk or on drugs, committing some stupid crime, espousing the effeminate or acting like a pompus a__, or the countless other ways that they are being portrayed. What was wrong with Davy Crockett, or Huck Finn, Andy Griffith, Superman? Why have Sponge Bob and Homer Simpson and the many other “men” of today been selling by being so stupid? I am not up on any of today’s shows, but I get the point from the stories I hear, that it is not good. Even when an olympic star comes into the spotlight, all too often the story is tainted by some remark or behavior he made, not realizing everyone was watching. Where are the boys supposed to get their education? And what about the girls? Where are they supposed to learn who would make a good husband and father?  What brought this on was my prepping for morning meeting tomorrow at the Lamperti Homeschool. I was looking for something good in The Children’s Book of Virtues , Edited by William J. Bennett, Illustrated by Michael Hague. I just happened to open to page 38, Boy Wanted , by Frank Crane. I won’t put the whole story here, but here is a sample.

Before You Seek Therapy For Your Child

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
Photo by Michelle Kaye

Talking Beans

By Tracy Lamperti • March 30, 2025
What are those? Are those beans? What are they for? Can I touch them? One can learn a lot about a child by watching them play. Play gives us a glimpse into the thought process, emotions, relationships and the way they organise and put things together. With beans, even a teenager or adult can “sort things out” with beans, sand and other materials. Beans make a good medium for tea parties, hide and seek, play ground play, imaginative water, etc. In fact, beans can bring comfort to all ages. Children who don’t feel like they have a voice or have trouble sharing their thoughts and feelings often find themselves running their hands through the field of beans. The same goes for teenagers. Little ones, of course want to play with the beans, which provides a great opportunity to evaluate self-control, adherance to limits and their depth of imagination or level of organization. Beans are awesome! The video shown here represents a variety of bean benefits! An older adolescent, actually, a young adult, worked out many complicated issues in her sessions week after week while sorting beans. This person successfully sorted out ALL of the kidney beans, sorting on many levels! It is so curious to children to come to their therapy session and notice that something has happened involving the beans. It gives children and teens a real sense of commonality with others as well as insight. They come to learn that some people think like they do and some think differently, and it’s all ok. They learn that, while I may share something about the “beans,” I won’t “spill the beans.” They can trust that I will keep their confidence, just like I keep the confidence of the last “bean worker.” As you see in the video, a young person is re-mixing the kidney beans. This young person, being someone who really struggles with self-control and had been held back for weeks from mixing the beans that had been sorted out. We shared such a delightful moment when she was finally permitted to “mix!” Timing is so important, but relationship is more! So the cycle will continue when many young people come in this week and discover the new state of the beans!  Tracy Lamperti, Psychotherapist, Educator, Consultant
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